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[01 Feb 2005|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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Looooooooooooooong time no talk peoples. NEW SEMESTER, and as corny as this sounds I love all my classes. I have friends in all of them, I got all the teachers I wanted (no crappy ones) AND by May I'm all done everything but religion and english. And how easy are those courses?! Ahhh life is grand. OH, and i'm so excited for Europe!!! *jumps up and down* It's gonna be a blast. Not very many of my close buddies are going but i'm sure i'll meet tons of new people... maybe even some hot guys in time for grad ;) haha. I better get more hours at work or I'm not gonna have enough money to spend over there. Haha, i made a lil list of the stuff i need to buy b4 i move out in August. (Including a digi cam for my trip!)GRAD DRESS SHOPPING SOON!!! It's awesome cause i can shop for my grad dress when my mom's shopping for her wedding dress. I'm so happy for her <3<3<3 *proud* AND i get to be the bridesmaid, by defaul of course but WHO CARES. (It's the least i get for ending up with 6 brothers at the end of the day, lol... so outnumbered) That means i get to stand the whole time holding pretty flowers. :D I love flowers... Ooo here's a cool quizzie i got from my good bud Jess, who ultimately stole it from her good bud Blair. *waves magic wand* tada!
1. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
Speak all of the languages in the world... I love talking :P
2. What is your ideal marriage location?
Hawaii or Cuba... Somewhere tropical and exotic ;)
3. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
acoustic guitar or play the piano better, lol
4. What's your favorite day of the week, and why?
Saturday... get to sleep in, chill with friends... everything good always happens on saturdays.
5. Favorite fabric(s)?
Cotton/spandex... comfy stuff
6. Something you love and hate?
PEOPLE
7. What kind of bedding do you use?
Cotton i guess?
8. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?
lmao... what sex life?
9. What's the one language you want to learn?
Any, I'm obsessed with trying to learn languages at the momeny
10. How do you eat an apple?
well... first i gently rub it.. jkjk i wash it n eat it... WHAT DO YOU THINK?
12. What do you order at a bar?
hmm, never been. FIND OUT IN MAY
13. Have you ever pierced your body parts?
I WANTED to pierce my belly button... didn't work out tho
14. Do you have tattoos?
nope
15. Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind if confronted?
Lol... wouldn't get any
16. What's one of the "funnest" things you've ever done?
I've done a lot of fun things :)
17. Do you drive stick?
I barely drive at all, and when i do it's standard
18. What's one trait you hate in a person?
Ignorance, Self absorbancy and Arrogance (lol... that's 3 i know)
19. What's the one trait you need in a person?
Honesty
21. What kind of watch(es) do you wear?
none at the moment, but usually just silver or gold ones
22. Most frivolous purchase?
Haha.. too many to choose from
23. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
Nope, not at all
24. What do you cook the best?
Steak Sandwiches and Potato Wedges
25. Favorite writing instrument?
My keyboard
26. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Stand out... and i do, lol
27. Do you have anything monogrammed?
Nope, i'm just not that important :( lol
28. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Sure, why not! Bust out the baggy pants, boxers and oversized t-shirts
29. What's one car you will never buy?
a junker
30. Have you ever done drugs?
hahaha, no... aside from tylenol 3, lol
31. What kind of books do you like to read?
Mysteries, general fiction
32. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
buy a car to pick up my jumbo cheque
33. Burial or cremation?
cremation, and then i'd want my ashes to be released somewhere
34. How many online journals do you read regularly?
Not very many... just the people on my friends list
35. What's one thing you're a sore loser at?
Any kind of competition, lol. I'm too competitive
36. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
By being a complete and total bitch, lol *shrugs*
37. How many drinks before you're tipsy?
lmao... being honest, hmm. depending on the drink, 2-3
38. Favorite kind of popcorn?
lil bit of butter, LOTS OF SALT
39. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
not at all, it bugs me when ppl r insecure, who really cares?
40. Do you cry in front of friends?
I try not to cry in front of anyone... unfortunately there's just sometimes when u can't help it...
41. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
Energetic, lmao
42. What's one thing you like to do alone?
Watch TV
43. What's the worst thing you ever said to someone?
Lol... i've said a lot of bad things. i tend to fly off the handle. this is why u know when i don't like you :P
44. What's the worst thing anyone ever said to you?
Oh too many things to name, all equally mean.
45. Are you a giver or a taker?
Both, i give and i take and i hope at the end of the day it equals out
46. When's the right time to go to the bathroom in front of your significant other?
Uhm... whenever u need to go?
47. Favorite communication method?
In person!
48. What is one thing you don't leave home without?
Wallet
49. How often do you call your mom?
meh, maybe once a day?
50. What's the most painful experience you've ever had?
Car accident *shudder*
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| My Poor Lil Head... *cries* |
[23 Nov 2004|10:46pm] |
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I have a headache... which is strange because i never get headaches. Go figure. I think it's prolly from lack of sleep because lately i have NOT been sleeping or eating. Yesterday I hardly ate anything and the only time i'll shove something down my throat is when my stomach growls and bubbles and aches enough that i can't stand it anymore. And i'll keep myself wide awake even though my whole body's about to collapse and behind my eyes is just throbbing, and I'll stay up until like 1:00 in the morning "just cause". Why you may ask? Good question... when i find out i'll let you know. And holy crap i've been so stressed out about school, today I almost burst into tears. I spent the first hour of school in the councillors trying to figure out if i could get into university. Even if my marks are good enough i still have to figure out how i'm paying for this education and living away from home. My mom wants me to go to U of A, U of L, or UBC just because they're close enough for her to drive to. I personally want to go out east thouugh... oh well, we'll see how it goes. I seem to have overcomplicated everything and i'm so depressing lately. What happened to cheerful lil me? I'm happy enough for everyone else... almost as if as long as everyone else is satisfied then it's all okay. Except everyone seems to be happy now... but i'm still not quite there. I think what the problem is is that i'm not happy with who i am. I never have been. I look at myself and wish that i could be anybody else... All my friends (the good ones anyways) are pretty, fun, smart, and confident. I'm tired of being so self concious, it's driving me insane. But i just can't help it, even though it's really sad when someone doesn't accept and embrace who they are. The more i think about it though, the more depressing it gets and I'm not going there. Anyways, such an awful day... hopefully tomorrow will be better. If it's not, maybe i'll just not show up at school for a while and say i thought the teachers were striking. Lol... *wonders what they'd say*.
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| No Regrets :P |
[14 Nov 2004|01:04am] |
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What an amazing weekend it has been so far. On Wed I was supposed to go rock climbing, but the plans morphed into shopping instead. Hey, no complaints here, i managed to get two pairs of pants and a dress shirt for 45 bucks. Oh how i love working in retail. :D On Thurs I did my english project and i spent some girl time with my sis in law. Friday was probably the best day so far... i ended up going to the herald for a job shadow thing... i'm going back in december and they're hooking me up with a reporter *excited* this is totally what i want to do. then after that i went shopping with Heather, and then we scurried off to her b-day party which was so amazingly fun. I ended up getting drunk, which was suprisingly fun when everyone else is really drunk and falling all over the place, and then there's ppls that are really not drunk and staring at you as if you're crazy. And then there was the good part of all the hot guys there, including the ones i kinda hooked up with. Fun times 4 sure ;) Lol... everyone thought i was being taken advantage of, little did they know that i enjoyed it. So anyways, after that party i ended up sleeping over at Heather's and woke up this morning at 9... after going to sleep at around 4. I just got back from Jessica's a little while ago since i went there at like 8ish. I'm dead tired right now bcause the last couple of days have been so freaking long. I'll prolly see what's on the tv b4 i pack it in. Tomorrow's a bit of a good and bad day from what i can see. I'm meeting my half sister again but then i'm stuck doing hw after. Eugh... chemistry. Put me out of my misery. But anyways, so far i've had the best weekend ever... and it was like 4 and a half days long. How amazing is that?! Anyways peeps, i am off to watch some quality late night. Tty'all lata!
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[05 Nov 2004|10:47pm] |
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Well, the weekend is off to a good start... I haven't gotten ditched yet! *looks at the positiveness* Hopefully this'll start a trend. Actually I had a great nite: got home from school early (skipped out on my meeting cause i didn't know where it was), went out and grabbed a bite to eat with friends, and then watched Zoolander for the first time. What a fucking hilarious show. I loved it. And then... i walked home, got in the door and all night i had been worrying about leaving my door unbolted cause i went out my front door and i didn't have my keys so i could only lock the handle. First thing i did when i got home was went to the door to bolt it... only it was already bolted. and my mom and bro have been gone all nite... my mom went to a movie and my bro works from 6-11. So i was TOTALLY creeped out, and i honestly turned on all the lights in my house and went room to room looking around for anything unusual (which is totally unlike me). Well, i found out my mom came home early and locked it, but i still have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that something's really wrong. I HATE that feeling because most of the time it's right, so now i have to think about what POSSIBLY could be wrong. Eugh my head's spinning, I think sleeping would be a good choice but i don't feel like packing it in at 11:00 on a friday nite. I'll prolly go surf the net. *waves* bye all!
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| HAPPY HALLOWEEN~! |
[31 Oct 2004|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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Happy Halloween everyone! Lol... everyone from my school is prolly working on their Extended Essay right now... hopefully not, that would be boring. Lol. I finished mine this afternoon after cracking down so I wouldn't have to do anything tonite. Cept now my brother and his gamin friends are hogging the basement. Oh the justice. I JUST FINISHED WATCHING CHOCOLAT. What a great movie, GIRL POWER! That was amazing, the girl that played the main character was so pretty! *jealous* She even got to kiss Johnny Depp, what a lucky woman. *drools* he is so hot in that movie. Anyways, all the trick-or-treaters have kinda stopped coming, which is okay... i get the rest of the candy. *hides the bowl under the desk and keeps eating* Mmmm, chocolate. I should be careful tho, eating all this sugar. I have a cavity and it's been bugging me. I was actually pretty suprised cause i'm a bit of a tooth freak. I mean, the mouth is a dirty enough place, may as well keep your teeth as clean as you can right?Cept my teeth are all groovy in the back so it's prolly for the best that i'm getting it filled anyways. *scared of the needle* you'd think i woulda gotten over it already seeing as how i've had like millions. But they give me shivers whenever i see one. Maybe if i give blood n stuff i'll get over it, i doubt it but why not try? Claire might be coming over at 12:00 for a sleepover, i hope she comes! Even though i have to wake up early because 1) my mom's calling me at 7:30 to tell me when i got a dentist appointment and 2) i'm volunteering at the Beverly center. Lol, if Claire does end up coming over she's gonna shoot me cause i'm gonna make her leave early. lol, i'm such an amazing friend *rolls eyes* Oooo recent updates since the last post. I talked to my school councilor and decided not to drop full ib. that, and i got a 61% on my chem test. *shrugs* may as well just stick it out. If in the end i don't end up getting my full ib diploma because of IB test scores, at least i did my best right? Annnnnnd let's see. All last week was very busy, but very fun. From Tuesday to Thursday i didn't get home earlier than 9:30, and on friday i didn't walk in my door until 10:00 pm. And then i had to entertain my relatives who were staying, so i never went to bed until about 12:00. And 4 hours later i got up to go to work... which i won't be doing for a while because they "suspended my hours until further notice" cause i didnt want to take on the 5 am shift every weekend. Which, of course, means that i need a part-time job to support my hobbies and erratic spending habits. I'm thinking Chapters/Indigo, or a clothing place like Chado or Smart Set or even Garage. I like clothes :) OR i was thinking Blockbuster. When you work there, you get 10 free movie rentals a week! That'd be amazing... every friday have a movie night and stay up watching a million different movies. Those would be some good times. But now at least i don't have to wake up early... the bright side to not working. Hmmm, i'm really confused though... i think i should be DOING something, and i look at all i AM doing and i wonder what's missing. Something is though, but i'm sure i'll find it. All the stuff i'm doing right now isn't really fulfilling, it's more just time taking up stuff that i enjoy of course. In any a case, i'm gonna go bug my bro n see if i can join in his lil x-box game. Lol... he'll prolly say no but why not try? Peace all. *waves*
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| GODDAM CHEMISTRY |
[25 Oct 2004|10:26pm] |
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music |
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Ordinary by Train |
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I SWEAR, I AM NOT PUTTING UP WITH THIS ANYMORE. GAY ASSED CHEMISTRY IS FUCKING UP MY GRADES. IF I CAN'T KEEP ABOVE A FRIGGIN 60 YOU KNOW SOMETHING'S WRONG. THIS IS PATHETIC!!!! *ANGRY* Wow... really needed to get that out of my system. 50% weighted unit test tomorrow, i'm terrified. That mark determines the worthwhileness of IB. If I don't get over a 60, I'm quitting full IB. Screw all my hard work, screw everything i've worked for, screw it all. I'll drop full IB and be happy.
Good things about not being full IB:
-No more TOK
-Wouldn't have to take gay assed french 31C
-Would have more time
-No extended essay
-No TOK essay
-Fewer IB exams
-Less stress
-No TOK presentation
Bad things about not being full IB:
-Everything i've worked my ass of this long for would be for nothing
-Since when have i ever given up on anything?
-I won't get a full ib diploma
-I would feel awful about myself... worse than now :P
*shrugs* hopefully i'll make it through... i'd hate to have had all that crap for no reason. Anyways, i feel better now. I'll go in tomorrow for some extra help and try my best =) tis all i can do.
HERITAGE PARK TOMORROW
I am terrified... i don't know why but the last week i have been a nervous wreck. I think i need someone to just take my face and slap it really hard. Nice little jerk back into reality. i was literally freaking out today cause i had to speak for 30 seconds to a group of 10 students... what has happened to me?! that and i thought i'd have to do my english oral today. I couldn't beleive it, i was HYPERVENTILATING. and then chemistry just made things worse... i couldn't breathe. By the end of the day i was so depressed and pissed off at chemistry and myself, i was desperate for something good to come my way. And it did... my mom's b-day was today so i went afterschool and bought her some flowers and chapters gift certificates. I think she was TRULY happy with all the thins she got and how everyone cared so much. It made me feel so good for some strange reason. I like seeing my mom like that =) But it's getting late, and even though i will doubtfully be able to sleep i have to try because i have a LONG day on my feet tomorrow. Night *waves*
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| *trembles* i'm so scared! |
[23 Oct 2004|08:26pm] |
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Oh God, I really don't want to do it... i thought i would be the lady frankenstein person in our lil heritage park project, but i don't know if i can do it. There's gonna be so many people, and i'm not a good actor. *dies* i volunteered to write the script and dress up to mingle... NOT to read the script i wrote. I had a blast working on it, and i still want to participate, but why couldn't i have had a role with no speaking parts to it? *jealous of jessica's gargoyleness* I guess i just have to suck it up as i always do, if i embarrass the hell outa myself, at least i'll have an experience to look back on for what NOT to do in the future. My stomach's sick just thinking about it though... me and improv are not buddies. I think i'm just overly stressed at the moment... i have a midterm coming up (and i'm not doing as well as i want to be doing in social) and i need to work on a couple essays, and i have volunteering, and a piano exam to prepare for, and an english oral to worry about, as well as the problems of everyone else that i can't help but worry about. I have officially decided that i am nuts and should be taken out of society asap. Blah, plus i have gay assed friends. You know, you'd think after bending over backwards whenever they were down or needed a hand they'd do the same for me... they don't even have to bend over backwards, but maybe not being put last all the time would be a great change. *sigh* Life is so amazingly fair. *rolls eyes* now i know u all reading this think that i'm exaggerating but i can really truly tell you that i'm not. One of my best friends told me she wanted to do something tonite... we were gonna watch movies and binge on junk food. I was gonna give her a call when i was done with my project... i tried calling her off and on for three straight hours. Nobody was home. Now, this sounds like it could be a misunderstanding etc... but if it was it wouldn't have happened this often, and it wouldn't have been like a month since the last tiem i saw her. Best friend my ass... i have no friends. My other best friend has weight lifted me to a reject list where i currently stay until everyone else that she considers is better than me can't do anything and she really REALLY doesn't want to stay home alone. *sigh* i hate how people treat me, i have no idea why i think their opinions of me matters so much, but they do. Maybe i should be a hermit, or a nun, or i should walk in front of a moving bus one day. Lol... death by bus. So now my head feels like an overinflated balloon that's about to pop any moment, and my stomach feels like a burning, bubbling acid pool. All because of a project that's become way too much for me to handle, and people that i've given everything to that could care less if i existed. *shrugs* i guess that's just the way life goes... oh well, there's less to miss when i'm gone.
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[17 Oct 2004|04:27pm] |
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Well well well, i think it's about time i updated this journal. So much has happened that i haven't written about and i think it's time i changed that. Let's start from the top... School's going pretty good i suppose. I haven't had a whole ton of hw or anything but chemistry has totally blown my mind. I don't understand it but i'm struggling through. I have a 55 in it right now, which for me is the lowest mark i've seen as a progress report mark EVER. It's quite depressing but i'm sure i can bring my mark up. As long as I get over 70 in this course i will be happy... well, happier anyways. If not, I'll drop it and screw full IB. Besides that i have a gazillion extra curricular things (some dorkier than others) that i'm doing. Because there's so many i'll put em in a list:
-EAG
-Torch
-Yearbook
-Grad Committee
-Mentorship Program
-Rotary For Success
-Volunteering at Heritage Park
-Working
-Rock Climbing
-Piano
-Am hopefully joining Model UN
So that pretty much keeps me occupied. I think i missed one but oh well *shrugs* For heritage park we're recreating the wedding of frankenstein and guess who's the bride? *points to self* should be interesting... i get to wear a black dress, a funky wig and hold some black roses. Then i get to dance around at my reception. Life is good. Just gotta get over my nervousness in front of large crowds. I'm sure i will tho. Jessy's gonna be my flower girl! Yay for jessy. And then i have two ppl behind me making sure i don't run away. *laughs* this is gonna be fun. Aside from all my extra curriculars i'm trying to do as much as i can with my friends, but it's pretty challenging. So many people's schedules to have to work around. Ah well, no complaints. Ooooo i'm so excited, my recent project has been this lil puzzle of the CN tower. The thing is friggin huge, it's like 5 ft tall. aside from that i think i'm missing a really important piece. Lol, hopefully i can find it. *searches everywhere* Rock climbing has been SO much fun. It's great, you get an awesome workout, and i'm conquering my fear of falling... sorta. My arms and legs start shaking if there's nothing for me to grab on to cause i think i'm gonna fall. I think i should try falling and that way i won't be afraid of doing it. Hopefully i'll fall soon. It may also be because i'm doing all these kinda hard walls and i've had like 0 experience. Oh well, one day at a time. It's great tho, so many interesting ppl. I CANT BELEIVE IT'S SNOWING!!! *frustrated* it's freezing outside. This is so depressing, i hope it warms up soon. I have a feeling tho that it's only ever gonna get worse. One can always hope... Back to school tomorrow *whines* i don't wanna go. I like being home doing nothing, just relaxing. Such a rare time. Maybe I'll pretend i'm sick. Lol, i dunno how well that would work but i can always try. Bye for now peoples! *waves*
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[10 Oct 2004|02:47pm] |
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Broken by Amy Lee and Seether |
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Jessimuhca's Lil Listy Thing
13 Random Things You Like:
1. Music
2. DVD's
3. Books
4. Reading
5. Jewlery
6. Flowers... so pretty :)
7. Chocolate
8. Writing
9. Stars
10. Friends
11. Online Board Games :( they're not working right now
12. Rock Climbing
13. Horseback riding
Twelve Movies: (no order)
1. Bad Boys I and II
2. Troy
3. Shrek I and II, but II's the best
4. The Last Samurai (sp*?)
5. Raising Helen
6. Wimbledon
7. Bowling for Columbine and Farenheit 911
8. Going The Distance
9. Without A Paddle
10. Starsky and Hutch
11. Old School
12. Enemy of the State
Eleven Bands and Artists (no order):
1. Evanescence
2. Linkin Park
3. Hillary Duff (i don't know why but i love her voice...)
4. Simple Plan
5. Kelly Clarkson
6. Arrogant Worms
7. Weird Al
8. Nelly Furtado
9. Metallica
10. Rammstein
11. Sum 41
10 Physical Things About You:
1. Really, Really thin
2. Kinda short
3. Brown curly hair
4. Green eyes
5. Freckles
6. Straight white teeth
7. Long eyelashes
8. Really small, short stubby hands =(
9. Dimple on my left cheek
10. Really short fingernails. (but i'm trying to grow them out)
Nine Good Friends: (no order)
1. Claire
2. Carlee
3. Heather
4. Jessica W
5. Justine
6. Jessica H
7. Jessica C
8. Kelly
9. Alex
Eight Favorite Foods & Drinks:
1. Anything from KFC hehehe
2. Coke
3. Water
4. Lemonade
5. Turkey (thank god it's thanksgiving)
6. Any kind of meat
7. Pizza
8. Hamburgers
Seven Things You Wear Daily:
1. Earrings
2. Watch
3. Bracelet
4. Necklace
5. Pants/skirk/capris
6. Shirt of some form or other
7. Shoes
Six Things That Annoy You:
1. Ignorant people that think they know everything
2. People that don't listen
3. Kids throwing tantrums and parents who buy them things to make them shut up
4. Bad drivers
5. Work
6. Crazy neighbours who forgot what privacy was when they moved next door
Five Things You Touch Everyday:
1. Doors
2. My keyboard
3. My hair
4. My contacts
5. My closet and it's contents
Four Shows You Watch:
1. That 70's Show
2. The Simpsons
3. Family Guy
4. CSI
Three Celebrities You Think Are Sexy:
1. Brad Pitt *drools*
2. Orlando Bloom... not in Troy, but very hot in Pirates of the Carribean
3. Tom Cruise (is it just me or does he have a really hot voice?)
Two People That You Have Kissed: (the last two)
1. Lmao, Jess and Mariell
2. Jon
One Person You Could Spend The Rest Of Your Life With:
1. *shrugs* no clue
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[17 Aug 2004|10:16pm] |
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JESSICA!!!! CALL ME!!!! Hehe, it's about tomorrow =) if it's too late to call just post or email me. Ttyl
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[25 Jul 2004|12:34pm] |
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I have decided that I am extrememly lax with my journal... I feel so ashamed. It has been like forever since I've updated last, and the funniest part is that I'm on this pretty much everyday checking everyone ELSES journals. *shrugs* maybe I'm just stupid... Urban Vibe is coming along so I've been writing a lot for that. Tons left to do though. Oh well, it's fun. Work's pretty OK, I hate working at that damn hotel. But the Health Centre's pretty good. Haha, I get paid to eat ice cream and play games, what a life. I'm going golfing today at abuot 3:30, my second time in like 5 years. lol. I'm sure I'll do alright, but not too good. I have a headache at the moment *sigh* and I hope it goes away soon. I also have such a busy week. Not only do I work constantly (7 days a week) but I have a different friend to do stuff with everyday. It's great, I love the summer. I keep busier than during the school year! And I'm making money too. I've got to go shopping soon, but I hate going with my mom. She doesn't know my taste at all and it bugs me when she pulls all this stuff off the racks and holds it up saying, "how about this?" and i have to tell her no CONSTANTLY. It makes me feel so bad! And of course she doesn't like dawdling and I'm about the slowest shopper there is. I'm really picky and I don't buy something until I know it's exactly what I want. Speaking of my mom, she comes back today at about 12:30. I'm so anxious to hear about her trip! I bet she had an absolute blast. I wish I could have gone too, but I'm not paying 3000 bucks to go on a trip with my mommy. I'll pay 2000 to go on a trip with Carlee though!!! We're trying to figure out where we're gonna go. I think she wants to go backpacking through Europe. That would be kinda cool. I also want to go to Australia, Dominican Republic and Costa Rica. Hmmm, choices choices. Blah, I feel like shit though cause I've only had pop for lunch. Bad idea. I should find something more nutritious for lunch. *ponders* what a good idea. I'm off all!
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[23 May 2004|10:24pm] |
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As she sits across from me on that old, beaten up couch, I stare into her eyes and see the horrors she has. In that one moment, I realize how scared she really is... it scares me even more. I know I can't help her and it frightens the deepest parts of my being. I long to reach out to her and find that it is only air that I grasp. It's amazing how you can be so very close to someone, yet so far away all in one second. As I look deeper I see past the surface of the pretty, talented, smart girl and into the hell she has made rest in. The drugs, the drunken parties, the reckless moves on guys she doesn't know. The reality that with every cigarette she puts between her lips her dedication to herself slides. I don't know what's more frightening... the fact that she thinks it's okay to pollute her body with toxic waste, or the fact that she's beyond addiction. Confrontation has already ended in disaster... And as we look at each other I see her recent run in with the police. The fear that she just possibly may have ruined her life is evident in her scowl. I don't know what to do with a person I realize I've never even really known. It's been 10 minutes of pure silence between us, and I realize the only thing that I can possibly do now. Support hasn't worked, lectures and talks haven't worked. So as I look into those angry eyes bearing into my mind, I slowly rise. I look right at her until the very last moment when I turn my back on her to leave. It is the step so often taken, by helpless people like myself. Sometimes the only way you can learn from your mistakes, is when they lead you to rock bottom. I slow down as I approach the door, but I do not turn around. I will not see that face anymore. I will not see the pain, the fear, or the stubborn refusal to change. I have left it behind, with all of my cares for a person who never cared for me.
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| Another Post... Finally |
[19 May 2004|08:38pm] |
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Yes I know I know, procrastination... I haven't posted in here since EASTER!!! I just realized that. You guys really should remind me when I get so behind. Pretty good week so far. I feel kinda empty somehow tho... I hope it goes away, not very pleasant. I can't wait 'till next week! Only TWO days of school. I have two field trips ALL day long, and Monday off. Who could ask for a better week? Not me. :D AND i have TWO job interviews (Good things must come in twos)... one for a hotel and the other for my health internship. I could be making SO much money. Laptop here i come! It's great that I don't have to worry about University anymore. Oh, and I'm entering this speech thing too! If I win, it's a $1000 scholarship. Which would be REALLY nice. It's about western heritage or something. That's ok, I'll bullshit my way through and make it sound good. :D *excited* I have so much to do, like 10 english thingies, a test tomorrow, a test friday, and i only got 70% on my chem quiz. Pathetic for stuff we did last year. Oh well, what can you do? I really want it to rain! I luv the rain. So sweet smelling, and wet. hehe. FLAMES ROCK AND ARE GONNA WIN!!! I can't BELIEVE we've done this great~! Not that I doubted us, but I still find it amazing! My families bein dumb. Maybe that's cause i luv arguing. Cept my mom's always so cynacle and everytime I get defensive I start to argue more. Then she says I don't give her respect and my bro gets pissed off and says I'm the reason why our family never gets along. lmao. Ya, like it isn't the fact that he's a miserable little ass. Gimme a break. What a kissup. I hate my family, and I can't wait to leave. I know that sounds terrible, but how am i supposed to appreciate them when they're always bein nasty. That just makes me nasty, any fool knows that. I can't take it much longer. Australia HERE I COME!!! lol. Eventually... Omg need some money. Order of purchases is:
-Mountain climbing stuff
-Clothes
-Trip
-Keyboard?
-TV
-Laptop
-Dishes, cups, cheesegrater, can opener
*excited*
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| Post Bout Me!!! |
[01 May 2004|01:11am] |
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1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
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| HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!! *Love all Around*!!! |
[11 Apr 2004|10:47pm] |
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*Group Hug* Hey guys! Long time no see! I'm SOOOOO glad I'm sleeping in my own bed tonite... 3 days on a rock hard floor with nothing underneath really puts things in perspective. That and seeing your grandmother practically deaf, being eaten away by emphysema at 83 years old and still putting up a good fight on the whole. I feel so bad cause I know her immediate family don't always treat her the best. :*( I know they love her n all, it's just sad when they... o why the hell am i writing this in here. Ahh well, I'll leave it. I'm listening to this song Carla sent me, Why by Avril Lavigne. It's pretty good. :) Makes me want to finish writing that one i started. If i ever do finish it i'll post the lyrics in here. I don't even remember what we named it. Lol, that was quite the conversation trying to come up with it.
Lindz: "How about..."
Carla: "No"
Lindz: "How about..."
Carla: "No"
Lindz: "How about..."
Carla: "No"
Lindz: "How about..."
Carla: "No"
Lindz: "How about..."
Carla: "No"
And so on. Lol. ah well i know i posted it on here for safe keeping... all the trouble it took to agree on it. I have so much math left to do. *stressed* and hopefully I'm goin with claire to da farm on wed. n maybe getting together with Justine, Heather, Jess n Denise on friday. We shall see how that goes. oops, jess can't go she's in Mehico! *Crosses out Jess' name* But ya, n then i wants to do something with Jessimuchla... Hopefully she isn't too busy! n ya, hanging with carla tomorrow. she wants to show me her movie. I hope it isn't VHS cause ours kinda... well died. Neways, i'm off to play monopoly. (Yes i am a dork, n proud of it). Gotta get up early for flyers tomorrow. damn... mustn't stay up late. *mental note* alright well gnight all!!! N Happy Easter To all!
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| What A Crappy Day, But DON'T YOU LOVE THE JOURNAL??! |
[03 Apr 2004|12:15am] |
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Aww, so pretty! I luv the pic. It's not angels, but it's still funky. But is there anyway to get the poem not cut off? i likes it... :) If you can't that's cool. Oh n carla, i feel bad but the little butterfly picture freaks me out. :S *guilty* But u did a really good job *so proud* geez, i wish i could do that. thanks soooooooooooooooo much! *hugz*
Omg i'm so tired. *yawn* but i'm not goin to bed. i'll prolly go watch a movie, then finish up my course, then do some math and read my book. If i'm lucky, then day will come. The lacross game was pretty good, Calgary played pretty brutally though, but even so we still won. YAY FOR FLAMES WINNING AGAINST LA!!! *does a little victory dance* tomorrow i got to meet jessimuchala for lunch n shopping and then tomorrow night me n carla chill. On sunday tis flyers and math and hangin with claire and carlee. What a good weekend! I deserve it, i've been working my ass off. My temper's been really short lately, i feel terrible about it. And when i feel guilty it just makes it worse. For instance: all da ppls i don't like (and the number is growing) just really shorted my fuse quicker. I'm not saying I'm a patient person, but more patient a lot of the time. Not with those ppls tho. They drive me crazy!!! I hate ppl that r all caught up in themselves, or just plain annoying, or think that they can insult everyone else just cause ppl insult them. Which sucks cause if u wanna insult them back at a different time n other ppls are around they think YOU'RE the rude one. Go figure. *frustrated* I dunno, there's just a lot of ppl that rub me the wrong way and a lot of them are in my class. lol. Must be that damn ib motivation that drives me crazy... you get good marks and you think ure god. Even though ure social skills suck ass. Yes ppls, i'm really grouchy. Bad day today. Don't know why. Felt really shafted. And my marks suck. well not totally. i just think i earned more. with the amount of work i do and the marks that i earn... anybody would be pissed. But marks are just marks. I gotta figure that out sometime. AND OMG, if there's one thing i hate is being ignored. especially when ure out with someone who INVITED YOU and they barely talk to you. Go figure... Geez. I hate feeling so pissed all the time, but ppl r starting to wear on my patience. There's only so many times you can take every one else's hits before you start to feel the burn. Well I'm off to undepress myself. Gnight all!
P.S. LOVES THE JOURNAL!!! Don't you???!
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| All I Ever Wanted was to feel the Sun of My face |
[02 Apr 2004|06:07pm] |
i juMped iN the river
blAck eyed ANgels swiMMing with Me
All the figures i used to see
All my lovers were there with Me
All my pAst And futures
And we All weNt to heAveN iN A little row boAt
*this is a test
*tell me if you like this or not! be honest i can find other things ^_^
<3
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| Completely Useless Random Quiz: Thanks Carlosy |
[27 Mar 2004|09:27pm] |
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
01. where is your favorite place to shop?: Chado, Dynamite and Smart Set
02. any tattoos or piercings?: Just on my ears... normal ones tho
s p e c i f i c s
01. do you do drugs?: Nope *smiles proudly*
02. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Sex in a Bottle. lol. It's ACTUALLY called "sexed up"
03. what are you most scared of?: Failing and not knowing what I'm supposed to do
04. what are you listening to right now?: Dust in the Wind
05. who is the last person that called you?: Carlee
06. where do you want to get married?: On a Beach Somewhere...
07. how many buddies are online right now?: I'm not logged in
08. what would you change about yourself?: I'd Like to be Carla... so pretty much everything I guess
f a v o u r i t e s
01. colour: Blue
02. food: Anything... it's FOOD. But mostly doughnuts, pizza, Iced Caps, KFC and chips. Oh and popcorn too.
03. boys' names: Jeremy
04. girls' names: Hailey
05. subjects in school: Social
06. animals: I used to have a snail named shelly... but she died. :( *tear*
07. sports: none in particular... my hand-eye coordination sucks
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
01. given anyone a bath?: Lol... no
02. smoked?: I can't... it makes me sick even standing my someone smoking. Seriously pysically ill
03. bungee jumped?: Nah... I'm not one for plummeting 100 ft so my stomach can go crazy
04. made yourself throw up?: No
05. skinny dipped?: No but I'd like to ;)
06: ever been in love?: No, i don't think anyone my age CAN be in love
07. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Yes... of course!
08. pictured your crush naked?: lol *blush* no........
09. actually seen your crush naked?: hahahahahaha I wish! jk. Nope
10. cried when someone died?: Yes
11. lied: Uh, who hasn't?
12. fallen for your best friend?: no
13. been rejected?: Yes, all the time
14. rejected someone?: ya... sometime's u just can't help it
15. used someone?: No, and i never will
16. done something you regret?: I've done some stupid, shitty and pretty mean things sometimes... but i have no regrets.
c u r r e n t
clothes: anything classy n simple
annoyance: ignorant or self consumed ppls
smell: flowers
favourite artist: Evanescence and Linkin Park
favourite group: See above
book you're reading: For school: a day in the life of Ivan Denisovich For me: The Watcher
cd in player: I took em all out.
dvd in player: Bad Boys II
l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched: When i was hitting Carla at da mall
hugged: Carla
you imed: Claire
you yelled at: My Brother
you kissed: No one...
a r e | y o u
understanding: I try to be
open-minded: Sometimes...
arrogant: No
interesting: I'm interesting to me....
random: I don't like to be random
angry:I try to stay happy
smart: I guess
moody: I can be really moody... depends on the day
hardworking: Yes
organized: Not at all
healthy: Sort of, but i'm getting a cold
shy: No
difficult: No
attractive: Mmm no
bored easily: Not usually
messy: haha, yes
responsible: ya i guess
obsessed: no. i try not to be
angry: *points up*
sad: Only at night
disappointed: Only in myself
happy: For sure
hyper: Lol, ya
trusting: Very... almost too much
talkative: Yes, I'm SO talkative
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
kill: Random ppl that piss me off
slap: Carla *evil eyes*
get high with: No one
look like: Carla
talk to offline: All my friends
talk to online: Everyone! :)
r a n d o m
in the morning i am: Tired
all i need is: Space
love is: what everyone needs
i dream about: random shit
w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r
coke or pepsi: COKE
tall or short: Tall
o p p o s i t e | s e x
what do you notice first: Facial features... then eyes
last person you slow danced with: No one
who makes you laugh the most: No guys i've found yet
who makes you smile: dunno
who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: dunno
who do you have a crush on: dunno
who has a crush on you: dunno
d o | y o u | e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: no
save conversations: ya... that one with me n jess and the sexual interpretations of the emoticons
wish you were a member of the opposite sex: haha, no
wish you were younger: no, i already look 12... how much younger do i need to be?
n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: ya
of hearts i have broken: um, maybe a few
of guys i've kissed: none
of girls i've kissed: 1 (don't get any ideas it was on a dare)
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: 6
of cds i own: too many
of scars on my body: i lost count... but too many
f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s
01. do you like filling these out: not really, but i'm bored
02. how many people are you sending this to: no clue... i'm just posting it
03. who will send it back: no clue
04. least likely to send it back: no clue
05. gold or silver: Silver all the way... it's all i ever wear
06. what was the last film you saw at the movies: Starsky and Hutch
07. favourite cartoon/anime: Anime: Princess Mononoke
08. what did you have for breakfast this morning: Nothin
09. who would you love being locked in a room with: A really hot guy... or a rich movie star... or both!
10. could you live without your computer: sure... but i wouldnt WANT to
11. would you colour your hair: maybe... i always wanted to dye it blue but now i don't really.
12. could you ever get off the computer: sure... i get off it all the time
13. habla espanol: some... not enough to answer in spanish
14. how many people are on your buddy list: 39?
15. drink alcohol: on occaison...
16. like watching sunrises or sunsets: I love watching sun sets, no matter where i go. but i'm not much for sunrises
17. what hurts the most: *shrugs* everything hurts
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[06 Mar 2004|04:32pm] |
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Holy crap I have NOT been writing in here at all. Well that's gonna change. Hope every1's doing well and no lj buddies i haven't forgotten bout u. School sux everyone. I'm failing. Yes i know, it's difficult to imagine but i am. I hope it all works out. I'm struggling along. I can't wait till this year is over. I'm counting the days to Easter. Aww, i Just took this really cute quiz:
Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
*luvs it* i'm gonna do more... here they r!Lmao, this one's hilarious. (Didn't i always say exotic dancing was what i did on weekends?)
You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.
If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla
And Last one (the best one of all)
Solitude Your lyrics
How many times have you told me you love her?
As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth.
How long have I stood here beside you?
I lived through you, you looked through me.
Ooo, Solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooo, Solitude
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?
Ooo, Solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooo, Solitude
Only you, Only true
Everyone leaves me stranded,
forgotten, abandoned
left behind.
I can't stay her another night
Your secret admirer, who could it be?
Can't you you see all along it was me?
How can you be so blind as to see right through me?
Solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooo, solitude
I can't stay away from you
Solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooo, Solitude
Only you, Only true
What Evanescence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
So I think that's enough on the quiz front. Little update for all my peeps out there. Soooo much hw. I don't know if i can even finish. I ended up cancelling with Carlee... (she seemed like she was busy neways). Had she really minded she woulda complained but i think she booked something over me and wanted to do that more neways. Who knows? Anyways, i'm babysitting tonite instead. I have to finish my flyers, teach myself chem, study math, find facepainting pics, read 100 pgs of a book and analyze them, study for bio and work on my Group 4 project. Sounds like fun don't it? Went shopping yesterday with Heather. That was soooo much fun. I don't know why we don't do things together more often. We went to the mall (i got 2 pairs of pants) and went back to her house n watched movies and ate pizza. I had a blast. Driving for me was cancelled this morning... I have to reschedule. I kinda didn't think i'd be going driving this weekend, i really didn't believe myself tho. Oh well. Volunteering tomorrow for 5 hours. I'm really putting the hours on. I'll probably have 300 cas hours by the end of grd 12. That's good considering i only need 200. Doesn't take long at all. Omg, it's getting late i better go finish up my flyers and grab a bite to eat. I have a lot of work ahead of me. *waves*
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